| Reader's Digest |
[Feb. 10th, 2010, 01:05 am] |
True Tales from Asia
by Nury Vittachi
Truths I Learned From TV
There's so much I wouldn't know if not for the box
Every hour spent watching TV puts a toddler seven words behind TV-free babies, researchers say. Aieeyah. I watched loads of TV when I was a hatchling but didn't start talking till I was four. That puts me 30,000 words in deficit! How can I catch up? I may ask the relevant authorities whether my wife can have my unused allotment of words. Thirty thousand words would only take her ten minutes.
But hang on a minute. We keep reading that TV is bad for you. If this is true, how come the current generation of TV-addicted kids is WAY smarter than we are? In my home, the only people who can work the remote control are the children. The only people who can get to Level 9 on Nintendo Wii games are the children. The only people who can do reverse takeovers of listed companies using mark-to-market leveraged assets are, you guess it, the children.
Perhaps TV does educate you. For example, you learn a useful medical fact: A person who has been shot always has time to speak a partial sentence before he dies. "The killer was... it was..." (dies). You also get fascination architectural knowledge: ALL buildings have air vents big enough to crawl through. For your convenience, these are also clean, have concealed lighting, and end in grills that you can open with a simple push.
But I guess the biggest category of things we learn from TV can be classified under "Life Skills". Bad things only happen on dark and stormy nights. Emotional breakdowns cause people to wander in the heavy rain without umbrellas. And contrary to what scientists say, the crack of lightning and the accompanying flash happen simultaneously, wherever you are.
I've even acquired useful geographical facts from sci-fi shows: aliens speak English no matter which part of the galaxy they come from!
Making use of what we learn from TV can improve our security. Consider these three TV truths.
1) If you are ever attacked by a gang of 20 people, don't worry about being outnumbered. The baddies will hang back and take turns to approach you in ones and twos just so you can conveniently defeat them all.
2) Nightwatchmen are nondescript guys employed to do just two things: sleep at their desks and be the first to get killed. It's in their job description.
3) Bad guys who are completely covered up in black clothes always whip off their black masks to reveal that they are in fact, gasp, women.
TV also teaches us important information about escaping from danger. Watch and learn.
1) If anyone is chasing you down an alley, you will find that boxes have been conveniently placed near all the walls you need to jump over. You barely even need to stretch.
2) You can hide without being detected in the foot well of the back seat of a car, even if you are a large adult and the space is only 30 centimetres wide.
3) If you are tall and handsome with hair that flops over your forehead, you can run from any number of armed villains, and every bullet will miss you.
Be warned, however. If your namecard says 'henchman' and you are part of a group of nondescript people pursuing a floppy-haired handsome individual, a single bullet will kill you. No matter how far away from the chap you're standing. This is sad, but don't fret: TV also delivers useful info for bad guys. All cars are inflammable and have amazing shock absorbers that enable them to soar through the air and land without damage - except police cars. Those will crash and burn in any chase.
TV has also taught me that the most common phrase uttered by humanity is: "Let's get outta here." I've never heard anyone say that in real life, but I have heard it approximately 950,000 times on television.
TV even teaches us about TV.
Whenever anyone turns on a TV, it shows a news flash about someone they know. They then turn the box off immediately after that news item.
Police officers can learn from TV too. When your boss takes your badge and says, "You're off the case," that's when you solve it.
Hmm. I seem to have reached the end of the page. Let's get outta here! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2010, 12:06 am] |
it was a good day, huh? hahaha.
and a good night too.
anyhoo, i've got to learn to be grateful for my mondays and tuesdays now, since wednesdays to sundays will be piano.
reminder: NEED TO CUT NAILS. but i don't want ): now that they're nice and long i want to keep them for a manicure. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2010, 06:20 pm] |
Where do i apply to?
1) Cambridge
2) Goldsmith's
3) King's
4) Kingston
RCM's audition dates are over, dammit ):
& kingston has something on music education! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2010, 12:56 am] |
so, these things made me happy tonight
1) survived 4 hours of work (although my upper left back didn't)
2) i totally burned kamler during 2v2 today HAHAHA. layup somemore yknw!
3) united's 5-0 thrashing
alsoooooo, MOE scholarship application, y/y?
should get to sleep soon, although im wide awake. tomorrow, i play for 3 things in the span of 7 hours
1) Mass
2) violin accompaniment
3) SBA Grade 5 & Inter Fdn
please tell me good things come in threes! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 4th, 2010, 12:48 am] |
work = :DDD
amplitude = :DDD
today = :DDD
although i swear my back will break if i sit so straight at the piano for 4 hours on saturday.
ZOMG but how to hunch when the little kiddies are watching me like a hawk?!
sigh.
tomorrow's Grade 4 and Grade 2 class.
hope i don't screw up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2010, 04:58 pm] |
i'm starting to get lazy to leave the house again.
it's starting all over again, this unwillingness to budge ):
i need someone to come pick me up and keep me up on my feet all the time because
well yea.
'we all need somebody to lean on'
today, after a series of two/three-liners and also after forever, i finally wrote afew poems.
but i'm ashamed to put them up here.
we all need somebody to lean on.
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a certain 'Regan' has started following me on Twitter.
man i love it when strangers appear out of nowhere.
linkin park fucking loud omg.
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2010, 05:34 am] |
hello i know i should be sleeping but i slept at just past midnight, which is 3 hours before whatever time i normally sleep, so... waking up now is actually okay. welllll.
i was thinking of joining basketball (just for the fun of it) or floorball in Uni, because yea i think contact sports really suit me so much better. or rather, sports in which rough contact is allowed.
soooo i was researching, only just, and omg
THE HWACHONG COACH, THE GUY WHO NEVER SCREAMS AND IS OH-SO-COOL, IS NTU'S NETBALL COACH.
OMGZOMG.
and in ntu netball, there's low yi lun (um...okay dont rly like her) and anna soo! frm national squads!
okay now i dno if im excited and all for ntu netball or super afraid to join.
then again, all the bball people look so olddddd. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2010, 12:04 am] |
the late morning/early afternoon was fun/funny :D
the late afternoon was just plain sian, so sleepy... slept for an hour, woke up feeling like crap.
anyhoo, went back down to play ball & didn't feel so crappy after that (:
dinner out tomorrow?
amplitude on wednesday?
WORK ON WEDNESDAY ZOMG!
IM SO SCAREDDDD!
excited-scared, that kind.
like i said, the pieces are so toughhhh.
mehhh.
rediscovered Paramore's 'Brighter'.
brighter than anyone. (: |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2010, 01:54 pm] |
had an awesome weekend :D
actually, the weekend's not over yet, still have to play for daddy's thingy at 530 mass later.
mehhh.
either way, it rocks having *some* form of income at least.
i feel like a real 18/19-year-old at last.
and Happy Birthday Nigel! (: |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2010, 09:15 am] |
really, it's the ones that appear fine on the surface that everyone ought to worry about.
because you never know, something in them might just snap/explode,
and that's when things get messy. |
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